Second Year actually done...

So I got my second year results today and have passed everything (thankfully) and successfully progress to Phase 2 of the course! Hoorah!

Not overly happy though and this is why I feel I must write to reflect on everything that's happened. I didn't pass well - in fact I never pass well, but this time I got a low pass. For our exams, it goes like this:

Low pass, satisfactory, honours, distinction. Previously I have always gotten a satisfactory. Sometimes scraped, granted, but this time - a low pass. I don't know how I worked so hard for so long and managed to walk away with my worst ever score. I am so annoyed at myself. How did I let this happen??

This time round when revising:

1. I didn't use the pomodoro technique. A technique I know works for me and works for me well.
2. I didn't revise at home. I was in the library day in, day out. This was annoying to have to travel back for lunch and dinner and expensive to be getting coffee's and teas on campus.
3. I spent all my time with one close friend. We arranged our days around eachother, we ended up doing everything together and we revised similar topics. I have revised with friends in semester 3 but not all day every day. Was this really beneficial? Of course, it helped me keep my sanity, revising alone all day every day can be so detrimental to my mental health, but did I sacrifice some of my learning for someone else? The irony being, she has done really well - in fact, I think she has performed better than she ever has.
4. I didn't have a strategic plan. I think I literally just went over and over stuff from beginning to end. Rinse and repeat. I used to do checklists, I used to have lists.

I made some big mistakes. I have to learn from them.

The double kick in the teeth is that this now means I probably won't be able to intercalate. I had been looking at being able to intercalate abroad and getting to intercalate anyway, requires me to have at least a straight run of satisfactions (if not an honours point from somewhere for some courses) and so this really does just throw everything out of wack.

I'm gutted. I had big plans and dreams about intercalating abroad and now thanks to me behaving like a fucking idiot, I have blown a great opportunity. But this is the bottom line: I've got to learn from this. It's a really hard lesson to learn and I hate that i'm having to learn it the hard way, but I will make sure I never make these mistakes again. I will not jeapordise my learning for anyone else, I will prioritise my success above anyone else's, I will make the best out of the frustration i'm left with. How? So, fuck, I won't be able to take fourth year out. I'll have to make sure that the fourth year I spend here is fucking amazing anyway. I'm going to do so much, I'm going to live with my best friend,  I'm going to live in an amazing flat, I'm going to do so fucking much here.

Fuck sake.