I finally came to terms with my early departure from work that took place on Sunday. I guess I was never really going to be emotionally ready and yes, it has had a knock on effect to my plans for the rest of the summer but in the grand scheme of things, it was time to move on somewhat. I say somewhat because it's been about 3 days and i've already e-mailed the hospital agency to get the forms in order to work as an external HCA. I can't seem to stay away!
For one thing, it's a good safety net: I'll at least be able to consider taking some shifts up in September or around christmas time as and when I get strapped for cash. The only reason I wouldn't like to continue working as a HCA during the holidays is because I feel uneasy about working on another ward. I've seen how shit the agency staff can be treated - and whilst I know I'm at least a half decent HCA, I wouldn't want to put myself through that. So as a half-hearted compromise, i'll only be working in the hospital if it's on my ward. We shall have to wait and see how this actually pans out.
I've started taking up shifts at my local cricket ground again too - just to keep me ticking over till I start university as the money situation is really depressing me. I have been rather frivolous with my money this year. It has been a pleasure to buy what I want, when I want it and why shouldn't I? However my sudden departure from work and very little savings has resulted in a very big panic.
he biggest drain was my extravagant car insurance, along with maintaining the car itself. Even though it's definitely a luxury one doesn't need, I find that if there is any way that I can hold onto it, I will. Even at the expense of my holidays this year. All that planning, cancelling and re-planning and finally the acceptance that I simply could not afford it, has been quite bleak. I have never really been abroad and this year it was quite high on the priority list, "seeing the world", "going travelling" - may be just one dream too many unfortunately.
This has been particularly highlighted as my accommodation finally came through! The excitement was short lived though as it became palpable just how expensive it was. My maintenance loan (of which I qualify the bare minimum) left a lot to cover. What with both me and my older (lazier never-even-had-a-summer-job) brother at uni, my heart breaks for my poor mom who will continue to slave away in order to provide everything she can for us.
I knew it was going to be a struggle going from working-gal to broke-student but the very idea that I won't be earning enough to save for something (anything, a dress I like or a new pair trainers) is enough to cripple me. I just don't know how i'm going to do it.
Having finished work on Sunday it's left me a bit all over the place. I'm fatigued with melancholy after leaving work, getting a bit bored because there is no longer many reasons to get out of bed in the morning, stressed about the money situation... it's killing me. Everything I will do requires money: buy the newspaper and grab a coffee, visit my nan which requires using petrol, buying some ingredients to cook... all this stress has culminated itself in the worst period pain one can imagine. I may as well be having my uterus dug out with a very tiny jagged spoon. Let that sink in boys.
Get me to move in date.
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