So...so lost

I love A-levels. Everything is in a textbook, there is a clear specification, what you need to know is laid out and all you have to do is read it enough times to understand it and memorise it. Then there's the fact hardly any of it is MCQ. You are graded on what you understand about a concept and what you write. Sure, it has it's faults - every examination system does, but I felt like it was fair. Or did I? Am I looking back with my rose tinted glasses firmly pushed up on my nose?

My point is, I'm so lost this time around. It's been 2 years since I had January exams, that familiar unease and daunting dread preventing you from really enjoying any christmas break. That's not the bit I mind, I love learning, I love revising and I love feeling like I am making progress with something. That's the problem this time: I have no idea how much progress I'm making, if I'm even making any progress at all.

The formative exams we're given to "give us an idea" of what our Semester 1 test will be like are...bizarre. It seems largely about recalling obscure facts and names of things I glanced over because I've been busy trying to understand the concepts of things and they're busy asking me questions about the names of x in pathway y during step z...

I want them to ask me about pathway y and i'll tell you everything that happens in it, why, and where it happens!

So as I return to the books feeling a fair bit more deflated then from when I started all I know is, I just need to pass. Just pass.