The real anxiety started the night before. The frantic searches through clearing, the "But if I get X I will go through clearing," and "If I get X what will I do???" The buts and the ifs flooding me for hours. As expected I barely slept, and woke up at 0430. I sat on the UCAS website preparing myself to be ready to go through the process if need be, then woke up my mom when I could not handle it any more at 0500.

She tried to make an edible breakfast while doing her best poker-calm-face. We arrived at college at 0545. We sat in the car for a whole hour, in silence. Eventually, 45 minutes before we were allowed to, I had enough and walked in. They were still sorting the admin stuff out, and told me to wait in the common room.

I sat, iPad ready, iPhones ready, shaking, eyes filled to the brim with tears and nothing had even happened yet. When my vice principal walked in holding the stack, I could have started sobbing there and then. I triple checked I had the clearing lines ready.

He hands me the letter, I flick it open, take a glance and burst out crying squeezing the life and soul out of my mom.

I did it. I got AAAa.

I don't even know how to explain the fourth AS in RS. At a miracle I thought would manage a b grade. To get an a, and moreover to get 94/100 in an exam I had blagged my way through - I am extremely chuffed. The relief of getting 3A's as well, being in a fantastic position to reapply - Christ, it's a dream. At times it was really really tough, but I worked my ass off and it paid off.

I cannot wait to get my UKCAT done, and pick my universities and all in a strange way, endure another UCAS cycle. I will get offers, I will be a medical fresher in a years time.