Tuesday, 12 January 2016

Do. Not. Look. In the mirror.

It's exactly 1 week till my semester 3 exam. I can safely say it's going to be one of the toughest exams i've ever sat.

When I was going my a-levels, I found them tough at the time too, but then I knew by the time the exam came around, that I had covered everything inside out. I worked really hard for them and i've worked really hard for my semester 3, but this time I have not covered everything inside out. In fact i'm not even close to covering everything.

 How in gods name I will manage to scrape a pass for Semester 3 is anyone's guess and it's driving me insane. I took Christmas Eve to Boxing Day off and went home to enjoy some good food and my mothers soothing reassurance and every Wednesday and Sunday I've been doing my shifts at Waitrose (quite frankly, the only thing getting me out of the house so it has been a blessing) and besides that I've been waking up at 7am every day and working my fricking ass off.

I am Showered, tea made, at my desk by 8am.
Using the pomodoro technique I'm at my desk (bar the breaks) for 12 pomodoros. Thats 12 x 25 minutes = 5 hours of revision. Then after an hour, may be an hour and half for lunch I do 8 more pomodoros = which is another 3 and a bit hours. I then smoke about 3 cigarettes, doubt my ability in every way, call my mum to moan for an hour about hard it all is and then return back to my desk to write up any flash cards that need doing. Day in, day out.

I dare not look in the mirror to see what a horrific acne scarred, sweaty, monobrow, dark eyes with stress, sort of face will be looking back at me. I dare not contemplate how long it has been since I have had time to do my bed sheets. And what ever you do, do not - do not think about how much weight you've managed to put on in a month, practically defying science.

I could not have worked any harder during the term, I couldn't have worked any harder during the holidays; why is it still not good enough?!

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